On the verge...

Here I am, 9:55 pm on Saturday May 31st. I feel like I'm on the verge of so much.

- On the verge of fulltime motherhood. Not that I ever stopped being a mother, but since the arrival of Ben in July of 2001, I have been working. First it was with the transcription business that I started and worked on for five years. Then recently, I was part of the kidStaff at LCBC. I guess you could argue that during those times, I was a part-time mother. Although any mom, working or not, will tell you that there is no such thing as a part-time mom, no matter how many hours you spend away from home. But here I am, on the verge of being unemployed. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop arguing with God and just trust Him. He's been asking me to set aside my job at LCBC (one that I love dearly) in favor of being at home full-time with my kids (whom I love even more dearly). This was a tough decision, and winding down to my last day at work (June 4th) has been harder than anticipated. But God has been faithful in this as He is in all things. I am truly excited to spend infinitely more time with my children, going to the park, making all sorts of creatures out of play-doh, riding bikes, swimming at Mom's pool, diggin in the sandbox and going to the library. And that's just for the first week of summer! ;-) It's not that we didn't do these things before, but now we can really DO them, as slowly as we want.

I would be lying if I said I'm not scared. Going from a part-time job into full-time motherhood - during the SUMMER no less - is a little scary. I'm scared about things like my patience (or lack thereof)...are my kids and I going to be able to stand each other by the end of June? I'm scared about my propensity for slacking...will my house continue to exist in chaos? I'm scared about my need for alone time...will I be able to respond to anything other than "Mom?"

I'm confident that God will continue to be faithful through this journey. Although if you feeling like praying for me while I go through this transition, that would be welcomed!

- On the verge of a changing house. Actually, our house has been in a perpetual state of change since we purchased it in September 2005. But sometime in the next few weeks or months, we will (hopefully) be tearing down and rebuilding a significant section of our house. Now remember, I certainly don't win any "housekeeper of the year" awards, but the thoughts of the mess that comes with construction is stressing me out. Not to mention that we are going to loose half of our living space during the construction - my office, Ryan's office, the toy room, the laundry room, the "stinky" room, and possibly the kitchen (the jury is still out on that one 'cause of me and my nostalgic self).

Oh...and...I had my hair chopped off on Wednesday evening. It wasn't as long as it was last time I had it chopped (I was able to donate it to Locks of Love that time), but it is definitely a significant change. I can tell you one thing...all that hair was heavy. I didn't really notice the heaviness until I could feel the lack of it, ya know?

So that's the deal...feeling ready to move on to some cool new things, but feeling a little cautious at the same time...I'll be sure to keep you posted.