2:32 a.m.

That's what time it all started. Actually it started sometime before that, but I don't know what time it was. At some point between going to sleep and 2:32 a.m., I heard the creaking of the boys' bedroom door and little feet going down the steps. I assumed it was a middle-of-the-night trip to the potty (remember - we only have one bathroom and it's downstairs and about two miles away). I must have fallen back to sleep. Then at 2:32 a.m. I awoke to the sound of life downstairs. Not voices, just noise - like someone was playing with toys. I rolled over to Ryan and asked, "Honey, did you hear that?" Apparently he had not, nor did he hear my question - he was still very much in dreamland. So I was on my own to confront the toy-playing mystery person by myself. I got up, walked out into the hallway, noticed that the door to the boys' bedroom was closed, but I could see light pouring out from under the door. Lots of light - all the lights in their room must have been on. But I knew that their room was not the source of the noise, so I ventured toward the steps. At this point, I noticed that, like their room, it was VERY bright downstairs. I started down the steps and heard that same "toy" noise - it sounded like someone was playing with something that had a lot of small pieces - like sorting through a bucket of LEGOS.

Back up for a second. We (the extended Keener clan) were all hanging out at Mom Keener's on Saturday evening for a lovely summer evening. Crissy and Steve had spotted an unopened Erector Set at a garage sale and bought it for Ben. This sort of toy (you know, the ones that include 40 gazillion tiny pieces and have instructions that children can look at and interpret with great ease but require intense concentration for the adults, so intense that we always walk away with a headache and a sore neck and we couldn't get it right anyway so why do we even bother...) is right up Ben's alley. He was very excited to get started, but we told him that he had to take apart the ENORMOUS roller coaster that he had constructed out of K'Nex before he could open the Erector Set box. So he spent a large portion of Sunday afternoon slaving away at the deconstruction of the roller coaster. He didn't quite finish before bedtime on Sunday evening, so Ryan had told him that as soon as he woke up the next morning, he could finish taking apart the roller coaster and then open his Erector Set. Unfortunately, to the detriment of my precious, precious sleep, Ryan did not specify what "as soon as he woke up" meant.

So we're back to o'dark thirty this morning. I turn the corner into the living room to see not one, but BOTH of my boys happily playing with Erector Set. Sure enough, the roller coaster was completely taken apart and the K'Nex box was closed. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Um, boys, it's the middle of the night. What ARE you doing?
Ben: We're playing with the Erector Set, Mom. (I guess an obvious question deserves an obvious answer).
Me: But it's 2:30 in the morning. You should be in bed.
Ben: But I'm not tired. Dad said I could work on this stuff when I woke up.
Drew: Yeah, we're not tired.
Me: But it's the middle of the night!
Ben: So? We're fine, Mom.

I pause, think about the situation, realize that it's not going to hurt anyone or anything if they continue to play. Then I notice that not only is the living room brightly illuminated, but that the ENTIRE downstairs is lit up like an operating room.

Me: Why are all the lights on?
Ben: I had to go to the back room to get Dad's screwdriver so I could get the batteries out of the guitar, and the guitar was in the toy room, so I had to turn on the lights in each room.

Sure enough, the dining room, kitchen, toy room, my office, laundry room and back storage room were all at full-watage lighting. I walked through and turned off the lights that were no longer needed and retreated upstairs back to my bed.

Ten minutes later, Drew comes upstairs whining "Mom! Mom! Ben was mean and ***! (insert some sort of tattle-tale story of which I do not remember the details because it was the 427th such story I had heard in the last 24 hours and I have begun to tune them out). I told him that if they could not get along, they would have to go to bed. He went back downstairs and all was well for about ten more minutes (or however long it took me to get so close to being asleep that the sound of my precious youngest's voice sent shivers down my spine) and Drew was whining and tattling again. Okay. That's it. They're done.

This is when Ryan woke up, when they were crying (loudly) on their march back to their bedrooms after I had informed them that their middle-of-the-night party was over. I filled him in on the happenings and he promptly fell back to sleep. Meanwhile, I'm tossing and turning when I heard a thud-thud from the boys' room. OH MY WORD!! What now?!?! Thinking that the sound may have been Drew falling out of bed, I scurry over to their room. I open the door, turn on the closet light and find that they are both in Drew's bed, giggling like the couple of goofballs that they are.

Me: What was that noise?
Ben: What, this? (thud-thud again)
Me: Yep, that's the one.
Ben: It's just me banging on the dresser.
Me: Okay, well, please be quiet and go to sleep.

I crawled back into bed (again) and continued to hear them talking and giggling. At some point, I feel asleep and they undoubtedly did as well. You would think with a night like that they would have slept in this morning. Nope. They were both up before 7 a.m.

True story.

Goodbye Molson.

Molson, our Australian Shepherd, died this morning. He was seven years old and was Ben's "best buddy."

We're having a thunderstorm right now. Molson HATED thunder - he would literally shake.

He was a blast to throw the Frisbee for - that dog could jump and catch quite impressively. He was a great snuggler and a good, energetic friend for Otis, our Greater Swiss Mountain Dog (who, incidentally, will turn 10 on July 6th - average lifespan for his breed is 8).

Molsie was loved and will be missed.

Just some thoughts...

It's Friday night. The first Friday night of summer vacation actually. A very relaxed feeling has come over me in the past 48 hours, and if you've read my last post, you'll understand that this feeling is quite welcome. As I left the LCBC building on Wednesday afternoon after cleaning off my desk and saying "goodbye" to the staff (it's not really goodbye, it's just "I won't be seeing you during the work week anymore," but definitely a significant change), I was shedding several tears. But God is good...

Back up a bit. All of this "stuff" surrounding my job started several months ago. I started feeling that nudge from God that perhaps I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I found myself ignoring Him, arguing with Him, whatever I could do to avoid giving that nudge any real thought. And yet God continued to lovingly, patiently guide me in the right direction. I repeatedly sensed Him saying "Trust me. Just trust me with this. You have no idea what I have in store for you." In my silly humanity, I wondered what could be better than having a job at a church that I love, in a ministry that I love, working with people I had very quickly grown to love. After all, I had REALLY wanted this job. Yep, that's right, I doubted that God knew what He was talking about. But He nudged on. So finally I gave in. I stopped avoiding and arguing and doubting. Obviously, this decision to step down was not easy. But once I made it, the peace started to come in little bits and pieces, each at the right time and in the right amount to get me through the doubting, I'm-having-second-thoughts-about-my-decision moments.

So my last day approached very quickly. I was having a hard time letting go. But on the Sunday before my last day, John Wilkinson (senior high pastor at LCBC) did the teaching for the service. He spoke about the "groove" of life. It was a great teaching in so many ways, from the examples of music he used to illustrate his point to his points about how we choose to fill "the dash." Click here to listen to the teaching, "Beyond the Dash" - you'll be glad you did. Anyway, the thing that I walked away with was the fact that there is a natural, God-created groove to life, and you know what? I was fighting it. The groove includes two things: Loving God and Loving Others. Towards the end of his talk, John asked us to examine what was crowding out the true groove in our lives. It all served as confirmation that I had made the right decision, and that confirmation came at exactly the right time.

Back to my last day. As I left the building, I was doubting that things in my life were going to be "groovier" now that I wasn't working. God totally knew how I was feeling (duh!) because when I woke up on Thursday morning and started the first day of summer vacation with my boys, I felt great. Relaxed. Renewed. At peace. I could feel in my heart that God was proud of me. Even after it took me a while to obey.

God is so, so, so good. Not just to everyone else, but to me - Cindy Keener - stubborn, prideful, doubter extraordinaire.

Bryn Christopher - The Quest

Found it again!!

On the verge...

Here I am, 9:55 pm on Saturday May 31st. I feel like I'm on the verge of so much.

- On the verge of fulltime motherhood. Not that I ever stopped being a mother, but since the arrival of Ben in July of 2001, I have been working. First it was with the transcription business that I started and worked on for five years. Then recently, I was part of the kidStaff at LCBC. I guess you could argue that during those times, I was a part-time mother. Although any mom, working or not, will tell you that there is no such thing as a part-time mom, no matter how many hours you spend away from home. But here I am, on the verge of being unemployed. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop arguing with God and just trust Him. He's been asking me to set aside my job at LCBC (one that I love dearly) in favor of being at home full-time with my kids (whom I love even more dearly). This was a tough decision, and winding down to my last day at work (June 4th) has been harder than anticipated. But God has been faithful in this as He is in all things. I am truly excited to spend infinitely more time with my children, going to the park, making all sorts of creatures out of play-doh, riding bikes, swimming at Mom's pool, diggin in the sandbox and going to the library. And that's just for the first week of summer! ;-) It's not that we didn't do these things before, but now we can really DO them, as slowly as we want.

I would be lying if I said I'm not scared. Going from a part-time job into full-time motherhood - during the SUMMER no less - is a little scary. I'm scared about things like my patience (or lack thereof)...are my kids and I going to be able to stand each other by the end of June? I'm scared about my propensity for slacking...will my house continue to exist in chaos? I'm scared about my need for alone time...will I be able to respond to anything other than "Mom?"

I'm confident that God will continue to be faithful through this journey. Although if you feeling like praying for me while I go through this transition, that would be welcomed!

- On the verge of a changing house. Actually, our house has been in a perpetual state of change since we purchased it in September 2005. But sometime in the next few weeks or months, we will (hopefully) be tearing down and rebuilding a significant section of our house. Now remember, I certainly don't win any "housekeeper of the year" awards, but the thoughts of the mess that comes with construction is stressing me out. Not to mention that we are going to loose half of our living space during the construction - my office, Ryan's office, the toy room, the laundry room, the "stinky" room, and possibly the kitchen (the jury is still out on that one 'cause of me and my nostalgic self).

Oh...and...I had my hair chopped off on Wednesday evening. It wasn't as long as it was last time I had it chopped (I was able to donate it to Locks of Love that time), but it is definitely a significant change. I can tell you one thing...all that hair was heavy. I didn't really notice the heaviness until I could feel the lack of it, ya know?

So that's the deal...feeling ready to move on to some cool new things, but feeling a little cautious at the same time...I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Bryn Christopher - The Quest

Did you see the season finale of Grey's Anatomy last night? This song was played during some powerful stuff toward the end of the episode.

5/30/08 Update: Apparently, YouTube decided to take down that video. Bummer.

Goofballs

On the evening of Tuesday, April 29th, the family was over at Mom Keener's to celebrate Crissy and Denise's birthdays. After an amazing chicken potpie dinner, I grabbed the camera to take some pictures of the family. The response from the boys was immediate. And incredibly goofy.

Some thoughts...

Here's a glimpse into what is floating around in my brain today...

1. My husband graduated from year two of Men's Fraternity last night. It was a wonderful ceremony in which the four pillars of authentic manhood were highlighted - "Reject Passivity, Accept Responsibility, Lead Courageously, and Expect God's Greater Reward." Men are called up into four roles - the lover, the king, the warrior and the friend. This is incredible stuff, and my sweetie has flourished in these teachings. I'm very proud of him. He's gotten up at o'dark thirty for 24 weeks to be at LCBC by 6:00 AM for Men's Fraternity on Wednesday mornings. He loves it, and I love him.

2. My two-month-old niece, Caitlin, smiled at me TWICE yesterday! I'm floating in auntie bliss.

3. Precious friends of ours, Jason and Jenny Mitchell, are currently in Alabama because Jason's grandfather (Paw Paw) passed away over the weekend. I'm frustrated because they are there and I am here. As a result of their southern roots, they are far away from their Pennsylvania "family" as they are going through this. They were right by our sides when Ryan's father passed away in July. I want to be there to provide hugs, to play with Sienna if the adults need some quiet times to themselves, and to offer any other support that they need. That's what friends do, and it's driving me nuts that I can't see my sweet Jenny right now to squeeze her hand and be with her as they celebrate Paw Paw's life.

4. Life is short. Be pleasant and loving. Laugh as much as you can. Show Jesus to your neighbors.

So those are the things bouncing around in my head right now. Other than that, it's pretty quiet up there! :-)

Moments

This morning on my way into work, as I was about to pass the Mount Joy Fire Department, a fire truck pulled out and turned right onto 772. Off they went. I dropped Drew off at preschool and heard more sirens piercing the air. Driving further on 772 toward LCBC I came upon the accident. There was crushed metal on the road and broken glass shattered everywhere. There was a man being strapped to a back board on the side of the road. It felt like there was a weight on my chest, and I immediately felt a lump in my throat. And I was reminded how life can change in an instant....

The difficult...
- The call from Arkansas early on a Sunday morning in July, "He's gone."
- The email from friends in Colorado, "She lost the baby."
- The visit from a dear pastor, "There was an accident. Grandma's not coming home."
- The results from the physician across the desk, "The tumor is malignant."

The wonderful...
- The moment he surprises you by emerging from behind the bushes with a bouquet of a roses and an engagement ring.
- The ultrasound tech, "It's a boy!" (This is not an announcement - just thinking back...)
- The results from the PET scan, "It's gone! I beat the cancer!"
- The instant that you finally decide to believe God's promises and trust him with everything you've got.

The blink of an eye...and you're changed forever.

The thing is, every moment has the opportunity to be a life-changing one. Like finally speaking those words of love and encouragement to your mate that you've been holding in. Or asking for forgiveness from a loved one. The moment may not change you forever, but our potential to affect each other's lives for the better is infinite...

We cannot control all the moments in our day, but God gives us the freedom to make decision about many of our moments. What will your moments look like today?

Gumballs

It's the middle of March already?! No kidding. Huh. How about that.

We are quickly approaching Drew's fourth birthday. He continues to be the epitome of cuteness. Even his most annoying quirks are adorable...

At our extended Keener family Christmas celebration this year, Ben and Drew each got a plastic gumball machine, each in the shape of a ball - Ben's is in the shape of a football and Drew's is in the shape of a basketball. Of course these machines each came with a small bag of gum balls.

Back up a bit. I grew up in a house where I was allowed to chew gum but ONLY if it was sugar-free. And my mom was quite strict about this, which was part of the reason why I didn't have a single cavity until I was 18 (left to my own devices, I ventured out into the world of gum WITH sugar - gasp - and sure enough, along came the cavities).

So there I was, on Aunt Valerie's family room floor with wrapping paper strewn about and both of my boys exclaiming, "Yesss!! Cool! Gum ball machines!!" Bet you can't guess the next thing out of their mouths..."Can we have one?!" Oh, boy. Knowing full well that my dental hygiene reasoning would not fly with these guys, I agreed. This was my first mistake.

So home we went with not one, but two new gum ball machines. The boys displayed them prominently on what we call the "low counter" in our kitchen - a location within eyesight AND easy reach. Second mistake.

As with any new toy, the gum ball machines were quite popular for several days. I had to become somewhat of an overbearing "let me see how well you brushed your teeth" mother, but they seemed to be enjoying their little bursts of sugar, so I did my best to cope.

My third mistake came when the little sample bags of gum balls ran out. A wise mother would have taken the plastic gum ball machines off the counter, hidden them in some dark corner of the basement or attic and been done with it. But not me. I'm not sure if this makes me an unwise mother, but it certainly doesn't make me the brightest bulb on the tree. At my next trip to Giant, I bought more gum balls. Now come on people, how enabling was this?!?! I just bought MORE of the very thing that made me cringe when my children opened them at Christmas. And I really had no idea what I was in for with Drew.

Drew likes the gum balls. No, no, that's the understatement of the century. The child is OBSESSED with the gum balls. Picture this...it's 7:00 am, everyone has rolled out of bed and is downstairs for the potty & breakfast routine. Typically, we are full of "good morning!" and "did you sleep good?" (Yes, I know it should be 'Did you sleep well?' but somehow I can't bring myself to ask my three-year-old such a grammatically sound, completely un-cute question.) But for Drew it has become this: run downstairs, go potty as quickly as possible and IMMEDIATLY ask "Can I have a gum ball?" This is before any talk of breakfast has commenced. This is usually even before we actually SEE him because he is such a blur on the way to the bathroom. We say no, of course, so he asks again after breakfast. "Can I have a gum ball? I haven't had one yet today." For a while I had a rule that gum balls could not be consumed before lunch. But I gave up on that a few weeks ago. The poor kid just seems happier with a gum ball in his mouth. But of course the stupid little gum ball machine never puts out just one gum ball. Oh no. Out comes at least two, EVERY TIME!! So next thing I know, my adorable little Drew is standing next to me with his little hand reaching up toward me saying "You get the purple one, Mom!" This kid may stink at sharing every single toy in the toy room, but he can share gum balls like nobody's business. Needless to say, I've been brushing a little harder these days. Although I kind of have a one-gum-ball-per-day limit for my own personal consumption, Drew does not. Nope, he'll chew four or five throughout the day, no problem! Now before you shake your head at me and think I'm a terrible mother for letting my child have such sweet treats, let me assure you that this child is not suffering from an overdose of sugar. The kid eats carrots and string beans and peas and apples and oranges and bananas like they're going out of style. So i figure a few bursts of sugar a day isn't going to cause permanent damage. And it's so stinking cute to hear him say "Can I have a gum ball?" and then exclaim "Yeesssssss!" when I tell him he may.

Like I mentioned before, he doesn't get one out of the machine at a time, but because I can't handle more than one a day, I start "saving" the ones he brings me later in the day. For some reason, the keyboard at my computer has become the holding area for mommy's gum balls. At any given time I could have four or five gum balls sitting on my keyboard, sometimes more if Ben is feeling generous with his gum balls as well. My keyboard often looks like a beautiful little rainbow of gum balls.

Honestly, as far as the gum balls go, I could take them or leave them. But man oh man, do I love my kids. Gum ball obsessions and all.