It's Friday night. The first Friday night of summer vacation actually. A very relaxed feeling has come over me in the past 48 hours, and if you've read my last post, you'll understand that this feeling is quite welcome. As I left the LCBC building on Wednesday afternoon after cleaning off my desk and saying "goodbye" to the staff (it's not really goodbye, it's just "I won't be seeing you during the work week anymore," but definitely a significant change), I was shedding several tears. But God is good...
Back up a bit. All of this "stuff" surrounding my job started several months ago. I started feeling that nudge from God that perhaps I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I found myself ignoring Him, arguing with Him, whatever I could do to avoid giving that nudge any real thought. And yet God continued to lovingly, patiently guide me in the right direction. I repeatedly sensed Him saying "Trust me. Just trust me with this. You have no idea what I have in store for you." In my silly humanity, I wondered what could be better than having a job at a church that I love, in a ministry that I love, working with people I had very quickly grown to love. After all, I had REALLY wanted this job. Yep, that's right, I doubted that God knew what He was talking about. But He nudged on. So finally I gave in. I stopped avoiding and arguing and doubting. Obviously, this decision to step down was not easy. But once I made it, the peace started to come in little bits and pieces, each at the right time and in the right amount to get me through the doubting, I'm-having-second-thoughts-about-my-decision moments.
So my last day approached very quickly. I was having a hard time letting go. But on the Sunday before my last day, John Wilkinson (senior high pastor at LCBC) did the teaching for the service. He spoke about the "groove" of life. It was a great teaching in so many ways, from the examples of music he used to illustrate his point to his points about how we choose to fill "the dash." Click here to listen to the teaching, "Beyond the Dash" - you'll be glad you did. Anyway, the thing that I walked away with was the fact that there is a natural, God-created groove to life, and you know what? I was fighting it. The groove includes two things: Loving God and Loving Others. Towards the end of his talk, John asked us to examine what was crowding out the true groove in our lives. It all served as confirmation that I had made the right decision, and that confirmation came at exactly the right time.
Back to my last day. As I left the building, I was doubting that things in my life were going to be "groovier" now that I wasn't working. God totally knew how I was feeling (duh!) because when I woke up on Thursday morning and started the first day of summer vacation with my boys, I felt great. Relaxed. Renewed. At peace. I could feel in my heart that God was proud of me. Even after it took me a while to obey.
God is so, so, so good. Not just to everyone else, but to me - Cindy Keener - stubborn, prideful, doubter extraordinaire.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
On the verge...
Here I am, 9:55 pm on Saturday May 31st. I feel like I'm on the verge of so much.
- On the verge of fulltime motherhood. Not that I ever stopped being a mother, but since the arrival of Ben in July of 2001, I have been working. First it was with the transcription business that I started and worked on for five years. Then recently, I was part of the kidStaff at LCBC. I guess you could argue that during those times, I was a part-time mother. Although any mom, working or not, will tell you that there is no such thing as a part-time mom, no matter how many hours you spend away from home. But here I am, on the verge of being unemployed. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop arguing with God and just trust Him. He's been asking me to set aside my job at LCBC (one that I love dearly) in favor of being at home full-time with my kids (whom I love even more dearly). This was a tough decision, and winding down to my last day at work (June 4th) has been harder than anticipated. But God has been faithful in this as He is in all things. I am truly excited to spend infinitely more time with my children, going to the park, making all sorts of creatures out of play-doh, riding bikes, swimming at Mom's pool, diggin in the sandbox and going to the library. And that's just for the first week of summer! ;-) It's not that we didn't do these things before, but now we can really DO them, as slowly as we want.
I would be lying if I said I'm not scared. Going from a part-time job into full-time motherhood - during the SUMMER no less - is a little scary. I'm scared about things like my patience (or lack thereof)...are my kids and I going to be able to stand each other by the end of June? I'm scared about my propensity for slacking...will my house continue to exist in chaos? I'm scared about my need for alone time...will I be able to respond to anything other than "Mom?"
I'm confident that God will continue to be faithful through this journey. Although if you feeling like praying for me while I go through this transition, that would be welcomed!
- On the verge of a changing house. Actually, our house has been in a perpetual state of change since we purchased it in September 2005. But sometime in the next few weeks or months, we will (hopefully) be tearing down and rebuilding a significant section of our house. Now remember, I certainly don't win any "housekeeper of the year" awards, but the thoughts of the mess that comes with construction is stressing me out. Not to mention that we are going to loose half of our living space during the construction - my office, Ryan's office, the toy room, the laundry room, the "stinky" room, and possibly the kitchen (the jury is still out on that one 'cause of me and my nostalgic self).
Oh...and...I had my hair chopped off on Wednesday evening. It wasn't as long as it was last time I had it chopped (I was able to donate it to Locks of Love that time), but it is definitely a significant change. I can tell you one thing...all that hair was heavy. I didn't really notice the heaviness until I could feel the lack of it, ya know?
So that's the deal...feeling ready to move on to some cool new things, but feeling a little cautious at the same time...I'll be sure to keep you posted.
- On the verge of fulltime motherhood. Not that I ever stopped being a mother, but since the arrival of Ben in July of 2001, I have been working. First it was with the transcription business that I started and worked on for five years. Then recently, I was part of the kidStaff at LCBC. I guess you could argue that during those times, I was a part-time mother. Although any mom, working or not, will tell you that there is no such thing as a part-time mom, no matter how many hours you spend away from home. But here I am, on the verge of being unemployed. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop arguing with God and just trust Him. He's been asking me to set aside my job at LCBC (one that I love dearly) in favor of being at home full-time with my kids (whom I love even more dearly). This was a tough decision, and winding down to my last day at work (June 4th) has been harder than anticipated. But God has been faithful in this as He is in all things. I am truly excited to spend infinitely more time with my children, going to the park, making all sorts of creatures out of play-doh, riding bikes, swimming at Mom's pool, diggin in the sandbox and going to the library. And that's just for the first week of summer! ;-) It's not that we didn't do these things before, but now we can really DO them, as slowly as we want.
I would be lying if I said I'm not scared. Going from a part-time job into full-time motherhood - during the SUMMER no less - is a little scary. I'm scared about things like my patience (or lack thereof)...are my kids and I going to be able to stand each other by the end of June? I'm scared about my propensity for slacking...will my house continue to exist in chaos? I'm scared about my need for alone time...will I be able to respond to anything other than "Mom?"
I'm confident that God will continue to be faithful through this journey. Although if you feeling like praying for me while I go through this transition, that would be welcomed!
- On the verge of a changing house. Actually, our house has been in a perpetual state of change since we purchased it in September 2005. But sometime in the next few weeks or months, we will (hopefully) be tearing down and rebuilding a significant section of our house. Now remember, I certainly don't win any "housekeeper of the year" awards, but the thoughts of the mess that comes with construction is stressing me out. Not to mention that we are going to loose half of our living space during the construction - my office, Ryan's office, the toy room, the laundry room, the "stinky" room, and possibly the kitchen (the jury is still out on that one 'cause of me and my nostalgic self).
Oh...and...I had my hair chopped off on Wednesday evening. It wasn't as long as it was last time I had it chopped (I was able to donate it to Locks of Love that time), but it is definitely a significant change. I can tell you one thing...all that hair was heavy. I didn't really notice the heaviness until I could feel the lack of it, ya know?
So that's the deal...feeling ready to move on to some cool new things, but feeling a little cautious at the same time...I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Bryn Christopher - The Quest
Did you see the season finale of Grey's Anatomy last night? This song was played during some powerful stuff toward the end of the episode.
5/30/08 Update: Apparently, YouTube decided to take down that video. Bummer.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Goofballs
On the evening of Tuesday, April 29th, the family was over at Mom Keener's to celebrate Crissy and Denise's birthdays. After an amazing chicken potpie dinner, I grabbed the camera to take some pictures of the family. The response from the boys was immediate. And incredibly goofy.
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